"Peace is only found in Yes." ~ Anthony de Mello, S.J.

Today's Gospel from John is the conclusion to the five chapters of instruction and teaching from Jesus we have been hearing in these days as we await the coming of the Spirit at Pentecost -- bookended by the washing of the disciples' feet in Chapter 13 and now, in chapter 17, Jesus' final fervent and tender pleas to the Father. Teaching and prayer are coming to an end; betrayal and suffering will greet the dawn, where a lesson without words will be the handing on of his very life. We are invited into sacred eavesdropping here, as we marvel at these tributes to self-giving love: 
 
"I have given them the glory that you gave me," prays Jesus. "They (disciples --- and us!) are your gift to me." He continues, "May the love with which you have loved me be in them and I in them." We are a gift to Jesus? Are we capable of receiving this much love, this much glory? 
 
One day to go before his death, and this is Jesus' prayer. What would be our prayer, our testimony, our testament? These are questions pondered by Father Anthony de Mello SJ, and his meditation below is a gift to us, included in the Hearts on Fire, Praying with Jesuits booklet that is shared with each of the retreatants who come to Loyola Jesuit Center.
 
Father de Mello was a Jesuit priest deeply formed by his family's Catholic faith and the cultural influences of his native India. He achieved international fame for his writings and spiritual retreats where his storytelling and teaching called listeners to wake up!! be aware!! -- of the new life and the offer of salvation in their midst. Among his writings Father de Mello often probed themes of his own death with an Ignatian spirit of both detachment and celebration of the preciousness of life. Thus, he was well prepared when he died suddenly of a heart attack thirty-five years ago today while preparing to deliver a series of presentations in New York. He was fifty-six years old.
 
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A Testament 
                                                                    
I imagine that today I am to die.
I ask for time to be alone and write down for my friends a sort of testament for which the points that follow could serve as chapter titles:
 
* These things I have loved in life: things I tasted; looked at; smelled; heard; touched.
* These experiences I have cherished:
* These ideas have brought me liberation:
* These beliefs I have outgrown:
* These convictions I have lived by:
* These are things I have lived for:
* These insights I have garnered in the school of life: insights into God; the world; human nature; Jesus Christ; love; religion; prayer. 
* These risks I took; these dangers I have courted:
* These sufferings have seasoned me:
* These lessons life has taught me:
* These influences have shaped my life (persons, occupations, books, events):
* These scripture texts have lit my path;
* These things I regret about my life:
* These are my life's achievements:
* These persons are enshrined within my heart:
* These are my unfulfilled dreams:
 
I choose an ending for this document: a poem - - my own or someone else's; or a prayer; a sketch or a picture from a magazine; a scripture text; or anything that I judge would be an apt conclusion to my testament.
               
~Anthony de Mello, S.J.