Wednesday of Holy Week

“The Lord God is my help; therefore, I am not disgraced.” (Isaiah 50:7)
 
    In the first reading today, Isaiah gives us an intimate description of the love relationship between the Father and the Son. On the other hand, both Psalm 69 and Matthew’s description of what happens at the Passover supper prepare us for the suffering resulting from a broken relationship—a friendship gone bad.

    When we take a cursory glance at the interactions of Jesus and his apostles throughout the gospel, we notice Peter’s varying shades of boastfulness and pride; James’ and John’s presumption of high places in Jesus’ kingdom; Matthew’s shady tax collections. Despite their different sins and dubious intentions, eleven of his close followers eventually remain faithful to Jesus.

    So, what happens to Judas, an intelligent man with business acumen? Since he was chosen by Jesus, he has been his friend—a close follower. How does a friendship fizzle, so that one person doesn’t recognize or appreciate the other’s love?

    Somewhere, sometime in this friendship, Judas slowly loses his faith in the goodness, the sincerity, the love of Jesus. To be a follower, a friend of Jesus requires loyalty, a gradual understanding of the other person, a patience with oneself in the give and take of friendship.

    We know from the gospel that Jesus nurtures many friendships: Martha and Mary, Nicodemus, Lazarus, Mary Magdalene and more. So, something must be absent in Judas that he could not sustain his friendship with Jesus. Judas is the treasurer for Jesus and the apostles. Can he be clutching too closely to the purse strings? Perhaps, the pride of being the treasurer yields to avarice followed by a sense of superiority. Or maybe Judas thinks Jesus will work another miracle and set himself free? The choices Judas makes bore holes in his relationship with Jesus and the other apostles. Jesus knows that he will be handed over to the authorities. But must it be by the hands of his friend?

    Yet, if we allow him, Jesus meets us sinners where we are and lifts us out of our bad choices. Perhaps, Judas’ self-hatred so overpowers him that he does not allow himself to be touched by love. After the Resurrection Peter allows his three times denial of Jesus to be washed away by Jesus’ look and words of love. Thomas is given the loving hand of Jesus when the apostle doubts the resurrection.

    Obviously, Judas allows his own self-hatred to control him. He does not offer an apology of words or tears to Jesus. He does not allow himself to be vulnerable with Jesus who loves him deeply. Judas has lost all hope.

    In lieu of criticizing Judas for his despairing pride, we can evaluate our own friendship with this God who also loves us unconditionally. If we are open, we receive an abundance of grace from the sacraments. In our daily rendezvous with Jesus, we not only discuss our interpersonal relationship difficulties, we also listen to what God is saying to us in our hearts. Yes, let’s learn from other people’s experiences. Friendship is a precious gift. Let’s spend some time during these holy days to thank God for the gift of our friends.