It is a strange thing about human nature that we feel shame over our failings and fight to keep them hidden, yet we revel in exposing those of others. We hate being judged and evaluated by superiors and peers and yet often have little hesitation about judging other people. We’re resentful when someone tries to change us to fit their expectations, and yet may have no reluctance to try to change someone else to fit ours. A touching and instructive lesson in this matter is given to us in the Gospel reading of John 8: 1-11 (which we heard proclaimed either yesterday or hear today at Mass).
A woman has been caught in adultery and is paraded before a crowd that gets ready to stone her to death. The scribes and the Pharisees pursue Jesus for comment, hoping “to test him.” Jesus simply offers a challenge: “Let the one who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” With the possibility of their own sins and moral failures being exposed, they “went away, one by one, beginning with the eldest.”
The lesson here is not so much about the compassion of Jesus, but about his implication that we get out of the habit of judging and condemning anyone. This gospel passage clearly suggests that people who are most willing to throw stones at others are usually the least justified in doing so. Even more, while it is unavoidable that we make judgments about people we need to avoid, about people we should hire or dismiss, or about people we might like to befriend or marry, we run into serious problems when we are judgmental.
How often are we completely accurate in our evaluation of others, even those we love dearly? We rarely know the motives behind what other people do, so how much truth do we think we attain? Going further, being judgmental makes us suspicious of everyone’s motives and can prevent us from enjoying potentially rewarding relationships. And even more damaging to ourselves, judging others basically distracts us from giving appropriate attention to our own faults, sins, moral failures and problems. If we care constantly evaluating others, we waste time and energy that could better serve the purposes of our own growth.
How judgmental are you? Do you find yourself more ready to criticize others? Do you perhaps deflect from looking at your own faults by pointing out those of others? Take note of how much judging of others you do in a given day. Consider how grateful you should be that your own sins and abject moral failures, pecadillos and warts are not up for constant inspection. Work on yourself first and let others be. The older you get, the quicker you should be willing to walk away.