Daily Reflection Tuesday of the First Week of Lent

Today on this last day of February, we have for our gospel text the Lord’s Prayer as found in Matthew 6:9-13. The longest line in that prayer (as well as in Luke’s version in 11:1-4) is about forgiveness and that is what I’ll be discussing today. The necessity of forgiveness is found throughout the gospels, from Jesus’ telling us to leave our gift at the altar and first be reconciled, to the parable of the unmerciful (unforgiving) servant, to Peter’s question of how many times to forgive, to Jesus’ own example in forgiving his executioners from the cross (“They know not what they do.”). Here today in the Our Father, Jesus very much implies that our forgiveness by God depends on our forgiving others (as we forgive). In case we missed the implication, he makes it explicit immediately afterwards! (It’s not that God would refuse to forgive us, but that we would be incapable of accepting it while we refuse to forgive others.)
 
Without forgiveness, we can go no further in our spiritual lives. Without forgiveness, our relationship with God and Jesus ceases to grow. However, we must understand that true forgiveness is entirely a grace experience. It is only from God, we cannot make it happen ourselves, as a matter of our will. We must pray for the grace to forgive until we receive it. But remember, it is not God we are trying to convince to give it to us (for God has already given it to you!), it is our own hearts we are trying to convince by the power of God’s love. It is us, and only us who resist God’s gift of forgiveness.
 
There is no one we can leave off our lists of whom to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that someone has not hurt us, even hurt us or others deliberately and severely. Forgiveness has nothing to do with justice. It does not mean that they did not cause terrible, even lasting harm. In truly forgiving others we are not pretending that they did nothing wrong. Forgiveness is an entirely spiritual reality coming solely from God. It is also entirely about you, not about those you seek to forgive. Telling someone you have forgiven them is rarely necessary, and usually unwise (unless they have been begging you to forgive them for some time). That is especially true with people who have abused us. It is also not necessary and often also unwise to resume a relationship with someone you have forgiven (although this is less so with family). Your finding forgiveness is not for them, it is for you. It is you who imprison yourself with your refusal to forgive. And it is always a refusal, always a choice. Many people say things like, “I just can’t forgive them!” But it is not that they can’t, it is that they won’t, because they think it is a matter of their own will power, that they must do it by themselves.
 
To really forgive someone, from the heart, completely and without reservation (not done grudgingly or half-heartedly which is never true forgiveness), requires both the belief (the faith) that it is actually possible (with God), and the willingness to seek it. Forget about finding it on your own. It takes much prayer, along with faith and willingness, to continue to seek it. Pray each day for the one you are trying to forgive, asking God to bless them. We must also forgive those who have died. Try to see every extenuating circumstance including any possible role you may have played (although, even if you were entirely innocent, you need to find forgiveness), for as the saying goes, it takes two to Tango. Also remember the saying that hurt people hurt people. How were they hurt or wounded or in any way compromised that allowed them to hurt you? Talk about it with someone you trust or with a minister or therapist.
 
So many things keep us from finding forgiveness, not least of which is pride (wounded pride causes great animus), self-pity, anger and a certain delight, a certain feeling of power in holding on to resentments or in desiring revenge. All of these will eat you alive and have no effect whatsoever on the one you won’t forgive (it has been said that it’s like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die). All of them will cause your spiritual life to hit an immediate dead end that will remain until you find the forgiveness that God so longs for you to find. You can only find it through continual prayer. True forgiveness, coming from God, will set you free. You will know it immediately when you finally find it (for it can be a long struggle- the struggle to let it go and give it to God) because a great weight will suddenly be lifted that you carried for so long. As Isaiah said so beautifully, “Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up at once!”