Daily Reflection Friday of the Fifth Week in Ordinary Time

The most significant verse for me in today’s first reading from Genesis is the final verse, 3:8, “The man and his wife hid themselves from the LORD God.” If the Yahwistic account of the fall in Genesis fails to offer a truly satisfying explanation of why the world and we humans are in the state it and we have always been in, it does tell us two truths. The first is that something has gone wrong, which can be summed up in the single word sin. And then, that we have been hiding from God in one way or another ever since.
 
If we are very honest and seeking, we can all see this tendency in our own lives. The easier question to ask about this is how we hide from God? There are many ways. The use of denial is certainly paramount. We deny that God really loves us or cares for us or we deny that we’re worthy or that it’s really meant for us or that it really matters that much how we respond. There are certainly other forms of denial, of course. Then we can hide by making our lives so busy that we just don’t have any time to pay attention to God’s call. It’s very easy for us to fill our lives with things that seem quite important. But if we would sincerely examine them, we would have to admit that none of them could be that one thing necessary that Jesus spoke of to Martha. A similar way is to fill our lives with things that excite and energize us, such as traveling, partying and exciting activities, ambitious goals, recognition and honors. We can hide by trying to anesthetize our feelings of unease with alcohol or drugs or through pleasure seeking and ease, all of which take a terrible toll on our spirits, not to mention our bodies. Another great hiding technique is procrastination. We keep putting off making that big decision until “tomorrow,” with the result that tomorrow never seems to actually arrive. There are, of course, many other ways.
 
I feel, however, that a much bigger question regarding our hiding from God is why? Ironically, there is a much smaller explanation here than with the hows. I very much believe it all boils down to one thing and one thing only: fear. It is there, in verse 10 we hear tomorrow, in Adam’s answer from his hiding place to God: “I was afraid.” Indeed, why do any creatures hide other than out of fear? Fear has dogged us from the beginning. In my retreat presentation, I made a list of some things we fear that keep us from trusting in God’s love which I’ll repeat here. We fear that we lack some necessary ingredient. Fear that we are just not good enough. Fear that we’ve tried but can’t seem to do it and thus that we are doomed to failure. Fear that we are unlovable somehow. Fear that we just don’t know how to love. Fear that no one really likes us. Fear that if we give up some thing that for whatever reason we have come to embrace no matter that it causes us such harm, that we will have nothing left, that we will be bereft. Fear that it’s simply too hard or that it’s actually impossible or that God will ask us to do something that will overwhelm us. Fear that it’s all a mirage, that we’re fooling ourselves. Fear that there’s something wrong with us. Fear that we will simply fail again. Fear that deep down we often doubt God is really there and fear that we shall be punished for that. Fear that it’s not meant for us. Fear that we really just don’t care anymore. Fear that we will be found wanting and then rejected and abandoned.
 
There are myriad more. There is a reason why the one thing Jesus said more than anything else is, “Do not be afraid.” It is because we are. We are all afraid. What Jesus and the Father are telling us, if we would but believe it, is that there is nothing to be afraid of. But we have convinced ourselves that things like death, pain and suffering are the worst things that can happen and bring only total catastrophe. That is what we believe (and with ample evidence, we are also convinced), but what we believe is what makes it so. 1John 4:18 tells us that, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” Not our perfect love, but God’s perfect love for us. If we would let ourselves believe in that fully, to give ourselves entirely to that love of God for us, our fears would fade away. God has been calling us always, tenderly and with great care and comfort- Come, everything is safe, everything will be well. Please believe me. Then we would finally be able to come out of our hiding, in all those terribly dark, fear-filled places, into God’s own wonderful light.